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Camillus House News
Abandon shame all who enter here; we offer you dignity.
March 13, 2009
by Dr. Paul R. Ahr
During last week’s interviews on the subject of fear, Angel, Ivan, William and Marshall (aka Emmett) discussed another source of fear while being homeless: the fear of encountering persons whom you know – especially family members or friends from one’s pre-homeless life.
Shame and stigma
From the point of view of the person who is homeless, this sense of shame is closely associated with, and maybe even powered by, negative reactions to strangers who are shoddily dressed or otherwise unkempt. These reactions, based on stereotypes and labels, are a form of stigma. William shares his feeling of shame while homeless:
It was shame by me to let you know I was homeless. If you know I was homeless you would down-rate me; treat me like I am on the bottom of the earth. I would want to be treated like anyone else. Most of the time you would see that I was homeless because of how I was dressed.
Such stereotypes engender wariness, and sometimes fear, in ordinary citizens. According to Angel, “When I came into a store, [people] were afraid of me, like I was going to rob the store.”
You cannot look in the looking glass
Such stereotypes influence the self-perceptions and self-esteem of persons who are homeless. In his groundbreaking essay, Eight Ages of Man, psychoanalyst Erik Erikson discusses shame as follows:
Shame is an emotion insufficiently studied, because in our civilization it is so early and easily absorbed by guilt. Shame supposes that one is completely exposed and conscious of being looked at: in one word, self-conscious. One is visible and not ready to be visible…Shame is early expressed in an impulse to bury one’s face, or to sink, right then and there, into the ground.
For many persons who are homeless, a mirror is a painful reminder of their amplified self-consciousness and diminished self-esteem. They routinely cast their eyes away from their reflection in a store window or a mirror. “You try to avoid mirrors,” admits William, who adds that otherwise, “you’d be very much ashamed.” According to Camillus COO Pat Cawley, progress in treatment, whether for substance abuse or mental illness, can often be tracked by a client’s increased attention to his/or her appearance and willingness to risk looking into a mirror to measure progress toward his/her normal appearance.
Shedding shame, donning dignity
For many men and women who are homeless and substance abusers, drugs and/or alcohol help them to stop feeling badly about themselves. The opportunity to share their drugs and/or booze with others, that is, to party, helps them feel more than good about themselves: “you feel like the King of the World,” Godfrey relates. The unconditional positive regard shown to new guests and clients by Camillus staff accelerates the transition from the false self-esteem offered by drugs and alcohol, to a more enduring self-esteem based on unveiling each man’s and each woman’s inherent human dignity. Others who have a mental illness or are merely displaced share in the enhanced self-esteem that is a by-product of that caring.
Good food, the opportunity to rest, the presence of others making the same passage from shame to dignity, and the availability of caring staff to guide the way accelerate the journey. One of the first stops on the transformation from shame to self-esteem is the ability, according to Godfrey, to “see the person in the mirror who you [formerly] were,” which comes after “a couple of weeks eating good and getting sleep.” And, the caring. For William, “Camillus House makes you feel that you are part of society. You are family and they love you.” Marshall offers: “You give us a sense of responsibility. We’re back in charge of our life.” “You put the dignity in us,” William echoes.
“No,” we reply, “we help you find where you misplaced it, and help you put it on.”
